This week, I realised the extent of my healing journey. When I lost the ability to play my instruments, to hear my own voice without it distorting in my head or being painfully out of tune, I lost a sense of Self. Song has defined me since I can remember. I have sung in bands, collaborated with musicians, toured festivals and art centres, performed in theatres, recorded albums for myself and others, written songs for myself and others. I have run workshops, projects, events - I took my pitch perfect voice and my constant stream of lyrical melody, for granted. I thought I was a powerhouse and that my body would keep the pace forever. But my ears changed that and as a result, I have had to seriously re-evaluate my life. You may think, hang on, it's only songwriting - do something else - but I still think in lyric, will still write songs in my mind, My soul still longs to express itself through in melody. I am the song. My family will tell you that I could sing before I could talk. I have been performing on stage since I was 3 years old, not because anyone pushed me, or that I was from that kind of background, on the contrary, but because when I am singing my songs for you, I am completely connected to my soul purpose. I am present.
Chanting has been a wonderful bridge building my confidence and soothing my troubled brow. Then, yesterday, I went into my studio and for the first time in 4 years, I recorded one of my new songs on my 16 track desk. Laying down the instruments that my hearing can tolerate, trying to work out the sound mix without hearing it, was such a challenge; I began humming the parts where I could hear the string section should be, because that's what resonates inside me - the whole piece. When I listened back to the recording, it was a long way from how it sounded in my head, but it didn't matter because it was the beginning and I realised that this imperfection is part of my journey home. It is actually part of humanity, but we gloss over it, seeking only the perfect.
- and so I share with you here, the journey of my imperfect Self - my vision is to sketch out a new album and find a way to take some fine musicians to Mwnci Studio in West Wales, it's so beautiful there and it was my last studio gig before I lost my hearing, so going back there, will feel like picking up the threads of my first love; 'my imperfect Self' will become an album of acceptance, resilience and love, to inspire those who find themselves lost, to trust the journey home.
Chanting has been a wonderful bridge building my confidence and soothing my troubled brow. Then, yesterday, I went into my studio and for the first time in 4 years, I recorded one of my new songs on my 16 track desk. Laying down the instruments that my hearing can tolerate, trying to work out the sound mix without hearing it, was such a challenge; I began humming the parts where I could hear the string section should be, because that's what resonates inside me - the whole piece. When I listened back to the recording, it was a long way from how it sounded in my head, but it didn't matter because it was the beginning and I realised that this imperfection is part of my journey home. It is actually part of humanity, but we gloss over it, seeking only the perfect.
- and so I share with you here, the journey of my imperfect Self - my vision is to sketch out a new album and find a way to take some fine musicians to Mwnci Studio in West Wales, it's so beautiful there and it was my last studio gig before I lost my hearing, so going back there, will feel like picking up the threads of my first love; 'my imperfect Self' will become an album of acceptance, resilience and love, to inspire those who find themselves lost, to trust the journey home.